so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
