I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry about my life...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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