if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
