I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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