he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
