all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
