those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I need moral support for this bender
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize