I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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