We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
