I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
