a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
