im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
