we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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