I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize