you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
