I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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