During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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