Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize