Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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