if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
