You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
