Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
