Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize