I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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