Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
