My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
