i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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