When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
