So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
