You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
