my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
