I love black thongs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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