I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
