I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
