fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize