weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
