i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
