Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
