They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Houston, we have a squirter
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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