We got so high we made milksteak
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
