Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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