You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I checked into jail on foursquare
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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