I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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