we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The adults are the big ones right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
