just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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