I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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