Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
