Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
