Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
