I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
