i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We smell like vodka and hangover
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