He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
