I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
