Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize