I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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