they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
