He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
