Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
