i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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