Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
