I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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